The Biebs

I never understood the whole Justin Bieber obsession. Even when he first came out (haha, totally didn’t intend that) and most of the girls (and some of the dudes, you know who you are) were all fan girling over the 13 year Usher “prodigy.” They were all “Oh my gosh he’s so adorable,” and “oh my gosh, I love his music.” And I was like, “oh my gosh! Shoot me in the face.” It also creeps me out when older women fan girl him considering he still looks about 12, even when he’s walking around without a shirt. He just looks like some 12 year old with spray painted abs. Like the ones that one guy you dated a while back did as a way to impress you but instead it just rubbed off on your clothes. Oh, that wasn’t you? My bad, I guess that happened to someone else I know.

While we’re on this topic of the Biebster and his fashion, can someone please explain to me the whole sagging phenomena?? I mean, this giant toddler has brought sagging to a whole new level. Even as a teenager I never thought the whole walk around with your jeans around your ankles in public look was attractive. One time while I was living in Wales I was with a group of friends waiting at the bus stop to go out for the evening. And by going out for the evening I totally mean go to the library and study. Ok, now that I’ve completely fooled the parentals, if they’re reading this, what I was really doing was going out to the pubs so that I could part take in fun times with booze and friends. Anyway, there was this guy with another group of people (mostly girls) and he was SAGGING! It may have been the booze from the pre gaming but something came over me. I slowly walked towards this idiot with his sagging jeans and colorful underwear, grabbed his pants and pulled those bitches down! And everyone at the bus stop laughed at his Sponge Bob underwear. I don’t know why he suddenly felt so modest; we all practically saw his underwear already.

 

Who finds this attractive?!! And WHY!?!?

BACK TO THE BIEBSTER! He looks like a 12 year old wearing a poopie diaper and girls think this is attractive? Oh, and let’s not forget this is a genius who snuck his pet monkey on a transatlantic flight and was totes surprised when German officials were like, “umm, got documents of this monkey? No, well, we’re going to quarantine it for a while because it could be carrying the rage virus like the monkey from 28 Days Later.” Let’s also not forget his latest comment about Anne Frank. Haven’t heard this one yet?

So, the Biebs is currently in the Netherlands as he has a concert there or something coming up and decides to take a tour of the Anne Frank house. And when I mean he decides to take a tour I mean that his security clears the entire place so he can walk around (monkeyless) without other tourists all up in his biz. He then leaves this gem of a comment in the guest book:

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

I personally think she would be a One Direction fan. At least they don’t wear sagging skinny jeans.

On a completely unrelated note, my thoughts and prayers are with those that were affected by the Boston Marathon explosions.



Oh Mr. Rogers.



Cheaters, Part Two

The boys and I have decided this is the year we’re going to become skinny bitches lose the weight. First, it was just “Sean,” “Chris” and I and our sweeping declaration to never let the crumbs of fast food touch our lips. We gave each other the shady eye while we secretly placed bets on who would cave first. A certain someone, *COUGHSEANCOUGH* even went as far as to taunt me and said I would be the first to cave.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. I was preparing for work one glorious afternoon, when “Sean” casually came strolling in with a Taco Bell bag. From that point on I felt that it was my mission in life to point out every time he came to work with fast food that I was not the one who caved. It eventually got the point where he felt I was border line harassing him and he dropped out of the no fast food ban.

We then decided to implement our money jar plan. Each week we put $5 into a jar and at the end of the month whoever loses the most weight wins the money. A fellow friend overheard these plans and decided to join in.

Everyone, I would like you all to welcome “Mauricio” to the blog.

*Golf clap, golf clap*

So week one went pretty well and then the weekend came. “Chris” and I made secret plans to order from Panda House (I told you that was going to happen…) on a day when the other two would not be working. And let me tell you, that fried rice and egg roll were totally amazing. I also got a second eggroll but that was used as bribery to make sure mom kept her pretty, little mouth shut about our indiscretion.  

Monday afternoon came around and we all gave each other the guilty looks. “Sean” started the confessions by admitting he didn’t think he had lost any weight because he cheated. I then felt compelled to admit that “Chris” and I had cheated over the weekend as well. And wouldn’t you know it, “Mauricio” cheated too! We’re all just a bunch of cheaters.

This. Is. SPARTA!

Sometimes I get dragged into a situation that I’m not comfortable with. Usually when that happens I pretend I have something to do or somewhere else to be. Other times that awkward situation happens at work and I get that deer caught in the headlights look and have no idea what to do so I just pretend my phone is ringing and answer it. That tends to make the situation even more awkward when I’m in mid pretend conversation and the phone actually rings.

Recently, co-worker “Amy” was complaining that she was cold. Apparently, co-worker “LaRhonda” had a fan that was pointed upwards thus making the cold air bounce off the ceiling and onto poor “Amy.” I was minding my own business when “Amy” asked me, randomly I might add, if I was hot (I’m always hot if you catch my drift, wink wink nudge nudge say no more). I told her no, just a bit warm since I decided to wear a sweater. She then loudly proclaimed that she would fix this fan so that it would rotate between “LaRhonda” and I, because she was just trying to help us and I was apparently really hot. Now, poor “LaRhonda” was on the phone working when “Amy” started fiddling the fan and loudly talked about how it was just broken and she was just trying to help us. After a few minutes of tinkering and loudly talking to herself “Amy” called it quits and went back to her desk.

I foolishly thought it was over when suddenly “LaRhonda” stood up, yanked the cord of the fan out of the wall, grabbed the fan with the other hand and while holding it up in the air like a gladiator holding a sword yelled “What’s the problem? What do you want?” It was then “Amy” turned around, stood up and told her that she was cold and just trying to get the fan to rotate. “LaRhonda” told her that she shouldn’t have been talking so loudly while she was on the phone and just as quickly as it started the two separated and went back to work. All the while I sat at my desk like this:

                                                            

So, here’s an update on project Toys for Tots. I’m still looking for donations and I have set a goal of $100. I’m currently at $25, so I’ve got ¾ of the way to go! Just a reminder, the contest ends on December 14 at 5pm (CST) and in order for a chance to win a FREE DINNER FOR TWO (and not dollar menu at McDonalds dinner) all you have to do is donate at least $5 and pick a random number between 1-500. The winner will be selected by a random number generator and all the money will go towards buying toys for those kids who won’t have much of a Christmas.

I know that we’re all strapped for cash and that’s why I set up this contest. Funds for the dinner are coming out of my pocket (not the toy fund). I want to do something nice for someone else this year and figured other people would want to as well but like me, are broke. So, I figured a small donation of $5 would be a good start. With enough people donating we could all really help to brighten a families Christmas. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message. Donations can be made via my paypal account (rosie.billings@gmail.com) or with me personally if you are in the Lawton area.

                                                                        

Numbers in use:

2

28

99

Restaurants:

Applebees

Chilis

Olive Garden

Red Lobster

Texas Roadhouse

Outback Steakhouse

Buffalo Wild Wings

The Chickens

A few nights ago I was lying in bed, all warm and wrapped up like a  burrito as I was looking at all the things I wish I could afford on Pinterest. I was pinning my little heart away (clothes, furniture, food…you know everything) when suddenly I came down with the sleepy sleeps. I turned Lappy the Laptop off, got even more snuggly in bed and my eyes were wide open. It was like my brain just said, “SIKE! Just playing, I only wanted to make you think you were sleepy, suckah!” So there I was, wide awake, blankets (I sleep with a lot of blankets) wrapped around me and me laying there hating the world because now I was wide awake.

It was at the moment I got a text message from “Chris” saying since he was in town he was probably going to go to the Casino because he had won money earlier that day at a different casino. I decided that since I was wide awake to go ahead and invite myself, even though that meant I had to crawl out of my warm bed and put on some pants and a bra. (You’re welcome).

I’m not much of a gambler or casino patron. I have a set budget and leave my debit card in the car so I won’t be tempted to empty my already low bank account but that night I decided to be a big spender and showed up with $100 in my pocket. A little evidence that I’m not much of a casino patron, as we walked in I promptly handed my ID to the security person chatting with another employee. Security guy looked at me funny then my ID and handed it back all the while “Chris” laughed at me. Did I mention it was about 2 A.M.???

Anywho, so “Chris” shows me a few of the machines he likes to play, after he spilled soda all over his hand, and then brings me to The Chickens. This is a slot machine type of game where you want to three chickens. Three chickens equals 10 bonus turns for 3x the amount of the bet. And for a while there I was doing pretty well. I kept getting chickens and winning and winning. It. Was.AHMAZHING. And then something happened and those bastard ass bastard chickens TURNED AGAINST ME. Suddenly, I wasn’t getting all the corn and chickens and just kept losing money, $2 at a time.

          

                                                                           

“Chris” was bored of me making sad faces at the machine and decided we should try out some of the other games he likes to play. Apparently, I’m lucky for other people because mister was racking it up. We decided (well, I hinted and whined) that we should play The Chickens again. Those feathered assholes were still being rude and taking all my money. I shook my fists angrily at them and it was then “Chris” decided we should leave, after many of his broken promises of “this is the last game, I swear.”

Then we played the Michael Jackson game and left.