I'm not very good at describing myself. It took me a few hours just to write a simple about me for the dating sites I'm on and I'm pretty sure I still sound like a weirdo. Which would explain the limited responses I've been getting. ANYWAYS! Getting totally off topic. I figured for those of you who have not had the pleasure of knowing me in person I would search the interwebs for some sample questions and post them here. For you. To enjoy. So. You better freakin enjoy this.
How old are you?
It was 27 years ago that I burst forth from the womb of my lovely mother and began my awkward journey through life.Or as mom puts it "the day I ripped her a new one."
In short, I'm 27 years old.
What was your most embarrassing hair style?
I rocked a perm back in the 7th grade. It was awful but by the time my hair went back to normal I had completely forgotten how awful it looked and asked my mom to perm my hair again. She was skeptical but I just knew it would be amazing. Yeah, we spent the next few days trying to correct it.
Have you ever been mentioned in the newspaper?Yes, when I was 17 my divorce was in the newspaper. And by MY divorce I mean my doppleganger who had the same exact name was getting divorced but I was the one who got phone calls asking when I got married and why I was getting divorced.
What do you do to impress someone you are attracted to?
Awkwardly stare at them.
If you were invisible for a month, what would you do?
Make people think they were losing their minds. I would start out with simple things like moving car keys from one place to another and then gradually build up to bigger things like parking their cars a few streets over.
I might act like a ghost too.
Where do babies come from?
Well, from what I've been told I was purchased at the Blue Light Special at Kmart.
If you were to lose your power of speech tonight, what’s the one thing you would want to tell me to improve myself?
I just lost the power of speech and you want me to tell you how to improve yourself? How about not being an insensitive dick bag?!
If the world froze for an afternoon and only you could move and no one
could see you or remember what you did, what would you do?
Snatch wallets and pose people in awkward poses. Don't be a pervert. I mean like, picking each others noses, dressing them up in funny clothes, finding some celebrities and putting THEM in awkward poses and taking pictures.
If you felt that I was starting to get a crush on you, what would you do?
Slowly. Walk...away. Oh, look my phone is ringing, I'll talk to you later!
Pineapple reminds you of...
That episode of How I met Your Mother in season 1 when Ted was completely wasted and didn't remember anything. He woke up with a pineapple sitting on his night stand and all these seasons later it has never been explained WHY HE HAD A FREAKIN' PINEAPPLE!
Would you perform in the Superbowl?
Yes. The only difference between mine and Beyonce's performance would be that at the end, I would make the entire stadium black out. Not half the stadium like SOME people.
Backpacks or satchels?
Satchel, Indiana Jones has one. If you don't get that reference then you may not be old enough for this blog.
How do you slam revolving doors?
You don't. If you're like me you get your head stuck in one. I was three, cried and got a free stuffed hippo out of it.
What music do you and you father have in common?
Pat Benatar. He claims he "likes her music." Yeah, sure. *side eye*
What gossip do you like to be in on?
All gossip. I'm a nosy bitch.
What happens when you swallow your pride?
In your case, hopefully choke.
Ok, I'm tired. Don't worry, I'll eventually add to this.
You crack me up!!
ReplyDeleteLOL I'm glad you enjoy!
ReplyDelete