Running With Zombies

I've always wanted to be that one girl at the park that runs all casually like it's nothing. Or that girl at the gym that's running on the treadmill on level 10, incline 4000 and speed 60 kajillion while she flips through Cosmo magazine and texts all at once. I hate that bitch but mostly because I can barely last 5 minutes on the ARC machine, only to get my foot stuck in the pedal and creating  this awkward scene at the gym.

Unfortunately, I've always been insecure about my body and never tried running or jogging. Despite what "Chris" said about me when I was apparently "running" from him inside WalMart the other night. I WAS WALKING! Just a little quicker than usual...

Anyway, "Chris" and I decided to try the couch to 5k workout since it's a workout that gradually gets your ass running. Needless to say, I whimped out on the running portion our first day at the park. Which looked a little something like this:

 

 

 

I died a little.

That night at work "Chris" found out about this app called Zombies, Run! I had heard about it years ago but completely forgot about it. Basically, it's an app that, like Couch to 5k, helps you gradually get into the running process. The difference is that this app uses zombies coming after your ass as a motivator. It's a pretty cool little app. It has this story line where you're in a helicopter crash and you some how find your way to Abel Township. However, Dr. Mary ( I can't remember her name) is a massive biotch who tells you if you're not able to bring back medical supplies from the abandoned hospital they may not be able to let you into the township. Oh, Dr. Mary, you just wait until I get you alone...OH NO! She had a bite mark on her arm so I killed her. Yeah, take THAT Dr. Mary.  

 So, as you're walking the story plays out until someone yells, "RUN!" Then another voice tells you that zombies are x amount of km away. You actually hear the zombies and the closer they are, the louder they are in your headset. So while it felt like this was happening:

 

It was really more like this:

That's a leery prairie dog..

 The other fun part of this game is that it gives you missions to complete. Basically you have to find crap or Dr. Mary-I'm-A-Total-Dickbag won't let you back into the township. To be honest, some of these items are completely random. 

 

"Chris" found a baseball bat while I found underwear...

I also found about 3 pairs of trousers, a pair of shorts and at least a billion sports bras.

While "Chris" kept finding all the important stuff like 1st aid kits and weapons.

We're still trying to figure out how the game knew I needed sports bras. That's another thing that keeps me from running. The fear that I'll knock myself unconscious with my boobs because, well, I'm quite..."busty." Want to know about other random things I collected while avoiding zombie hoards?

Random Shit I Found

• Multiple bottles of water
• 5 cell phones
• Power cable
• 6 First aid kits (see, I wasn't totally useless!)
• Kensaido manifesto (whoever that is..)
• Bandages (to smother the good doctor with..)
• Axe
• Pain meds
• CDC box
• Tinned food (not sure if that came with a can opener..)
• Shorts
• 3 Pairs of trousers
• 8 Sports bras
• 2 Pairs of underwear
• Baseball bat
• A book 

 So far Zombies, Run! is a pretty useful tool for exercise seeing as how I'm excited to try out the next level called, "Lay of the Land." Maybe I'll run longer than 30 seconds.

Also, after years and years and years of rumors that we would be getting a Target, my town FINALLY got one. The typo in the headline is the reason Lawton can't have nice things.

 

The Day I found Waldo

A few years ago I was in a study abroad program in Wales. As part of the program the first week the coordinators took the group of Americans on a few field trips. One such trip was to a castle and some other place that my mind is currently drawing a blank. What? I just woke up from a nap! Ok, fine…technically it’s the second nap of the day but it’s my day off. LAY OFF ME! Anyway, this is the trip when I discovered him. I FREAKIN’ FOUND WALDO!

I was just minding my own business talking to a friend of mine when I noticed his little red and white hat. Guys, he was even wearing the black hipster glasses.

So this is me getting my picture taken in front of a castle

                                                                               

So, I was just standing there before I had to get back on the bus.

                                                                              

                                                                                  

In his defense, he only looked like Waldo because of the hat and glasses. He wasn't even wearing the striped shirt. I know, you would think that if you're going to be Waldo you would just go all out. We ended up spending the rest of the trip giggling every time we saw him.
                                                                                     

This is what he actually looked like.

The rest of the semester was spent playing a real life Where's Waldo game. Anytime we saw him it would warrant an immediate text or email. It also led to some mild stalking behavior.

                                                                                   

OH MY GOD, WALDO IS BUYING MILK!

                                                                               

WALDO IS GOING TO CLASS!

                                                                              

 

Then one day, it was like God was shining down on the "I Heart Waldo" stalkers club. The school we attended really LOVED to throw theme parties for the students. The first week class was in session they had a "Sex Party" theme which very quickly changed to "Playboy Party" theme. Not really much of a difference but that didn't stop the guy in a gold thong to knock on my window the following morning to ask that I let him in the building. But that's a story for another day.

                                                                        

Usually these parties had some reason (other than a lot of drinking) involved. I think this party was to suppose help fund or bring attention to AIDS research or something like that. Anyway, basically everyone was suppose to dress like Waldo or just wear the t-shirt they were also selling. We all hoped that our resident Waldo would not being wearing the t-shirt. We were all pleasantly surprised when we showed up the club and found that he decided to embrace his Waldo-ness and was dressed like Waldo, complete with cane!

                                                                                   

We were so excited, he couldn't figure out why we kept staring at him.

You know how when you see someone and want to take a picture of them but don't want them to know about it because apparently it's considered "weird" and "creepy?" So, instead you have someone stand kind of in front of you just enough so it looks like you're taking their picture when really you're focusing on your actual object? Yeah, we did that...

                                                                              

 

  

 

 

That's how I spent a semester being a creepy stalker. I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE DOING SO STOP JUDGING ME!

You guys thought I was lying...

                                                                             

IT'S FUCKING WALDO!

 Also, here are some outtakes from when "Chris" and I were shopping for glasses. I was so distraught over the news that he shot me in the eye with a Nerf Bullet just so that I would have the same vision as him that I forgot to add these pictures. Oh, I didn't tell you that? Yeah, "Chris" was all Oooooooh! Now you have the same vision as me! Rat bastard...

                                                                               

                                                                             

One day I'll get my friggin letter...ONE DAY!

                                                                                   

He said we couldn't get matching glasses..

 

Pet Peeves, Part One

One of the advantages of the late shift that I work is that when I go grocery shopping at WalMart is that it's no where near as crowded and annoying as it is during the day. The downside is that I usually end up with one of two cashiers, "Chatty Cathy" or "Judgie Johnny" because for some reason the WalMart on my side of town doesn't keep the self check out open after 11pm. Bitches. "Chatty Cathy" isn't too bad unless you consider knowing EVERY DAMN DETAIL OF HER ENTIRE LIFE only slightly annoying. For instance, I know she has two boyfriends (I also know their professions), she likes Red Velvet ice cream from Ben and Jerry's, and she likes to go dancing at Scooters on Thursday nights (to which she's always inviting me to, unfortunately I'm always "working"). 

Then there's "Judgie Johnny." He seems nice enough, he's always friendly and fun to have small talk with. Until recently. The first few trips to WalMart where I ended up in his line I was buying insane amounts of fruit and veggies. 

 Then this day happened.

Which was followed by this totally accurate exchange.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that set off this reaction.

Ok, fine. I may be embellishing a little bit. The REAL reaction was more like this:

You would think considering the type of items that were on the conveyer belt he would have just shut his trap and bagged my items instead of judging me with his judgie judiness.