Running With Zombies

I've always wanted to be that one girl at the park that runs all casually like it's nothing. Or that girl at the gym that's running on the treadmill on level 10, incline 4000 and speed 60 kajillion while she flips through Cosmo magazine and texts all at once. I hate that bitch but mostly because I can barely last 5 minutes on the ARC machine, only to get my foot stuck in the pedal and creating  this awkward scene at the gym.

Unfortunately, I've always been insecure about my body and never tried running or jogging. Despite what "Chris" said about me when I was apparently "running" from him inside WalMart the other night. I WAS WALKING! Just a little quicker than usual...

Anyway, "Chris" and I decided to try the couch to 5k workout since it's a workout that gradually gets your ass running. Needless to say, I whimped out on the running portion our first day at the park. Which looked a little something like this:

 

 

 

I died a little.

That night at work "Chris" found out about this app called Zombies, Run! I had heard about it years ago but completely forgot about it. Basically, it's an app that, like Couch to 5k, helps you gradually get into the running process. The difference is that this app uses zombies coming after your ass as a motivator. It's a pretty cool little app. It has this story line where you're in a helicopter crash and you some how find your way to Abel Township. However, Dr. Mary ( I can't remember her name) is a massive biotch who tells you if you're not able to bring back medical supplies from the abandoned hospital they may not be able to let you into the township. Oh, Dr. Mary, you just wait until I get you alone...OH NO! She had a bite mark on her arm so I killed her. Yeah, take THAT Dr. Mary.  

 So, as you're walking the story plays out until someone yells, "RUN!" Then another voice tells you that zombies are x amount of km away. You actually hear the zombies and the closer they are, the louder they are in your headset. So while it felt like this was happening:

 

It was really more like this:

That's a leery prairie dog..

 The other fun part of this game is that it gives you missions to complete. Basically you have to find crap or Dr. Mary-I'm-A-Total-Dickbag won't let you back into the township. To be honest, some of these items are completely random. 

 

"Chris" found a baseball bat while I found underwear...

I also found about 3 pairs of trousers, a pair of shorts and at least a billion sports bras.

While "Chris" kept finding all the important stuff like 1st aid kits and weapons.

We're still trying to figure out how the game knew I needed sports bras. That's another thing that keeps me from running. The fear that I'll knock myself unconscious with my boobs because, well, I'm quite..."busty." Want to know about other random things I collected while avoiding zombie hoards?

Random Shit I Found

• Multiple bottles of water
• 5 cell phones
• Power cable
• 6 First aid kits (see, I wasn't totally useless!)
• Kensaido manifesto (whoever that is..)
• Bandages (to smother the good doctor with..)
• Axe
• Pain meds
• CDC box
• Tinned food (not sure if that came with a can opener..)
• Shorts
• 3 Pairs of trousers
• 8 Sports bras
• 2 Pairs of underwear
• Baseball bat
• A book 

 So far Zombies, Run! is a pretty useful tool for exercise seeing as how I'm excited to try out the next level called, "Lay of the Land." Maybe I'll run longer than 30 seconds.

Also, after years and years and years of rumors that we would be getting a Target, my town FINALLY got one. The typo in the headline is the reason Lawton can't have nice things.

 

Shut Your Trap

I’m not the quietest (or graceful) person on the planet. I’m sure it has something to do with the time my little brother was born and he sucked all the attention away from me. Oh look at the cute baby wearing his lederhosen! Aw, the cute little baby says he wants to be an arteeest when he grows up! Look at the sweet little baby with that really angry looking little girl. You may be thinking that I’m joking when I said I looked angry but trust me there’s evidence.

Over the holidays my brother and I decided a fun Christmas gift for our mom would be a photo recreate. You take a picture from your childhood and, well, you recreate it. As we combed through a billion family albums we noticed that every single picture of brother was him smiling and looking happy. Every single picture of me I was sulking, glaring or just generally being unhappy. I don’t mean like one or two, I mean every. Single. One. Out of a billion photo albums. We eventually found one where I had a smile on my face. I would show you the pictures of me glaring but I would rather not. Mostly because I’ll have to go digging in those albums again which will then cause me to send mass text messages to my brother of all the pictures that make me laugh. Like the one that looks like my dad is trying to drown baby brother in a tub while baby brother has a huge smile on his face.  

Well, it appears I’ve gotten a little off topic. I’m just trying to lay the ground work to let you know I’m not very quiet when I talk. Usually, when I’m conversating with my dear mother she has to tell me to quiet down. I can’t help it, I’m still fighting for the attention my brother savagely took from me in my youth. So, back to the story.

Today, I had to take an exam at the computer lab on campus. This was for one of my online classes and it’s still baffling me that a test that is open notes/open book had to be proctored on campus. I mean the purpose of these online classes is so I can sit at home, in my rubber duckie jamies and do my assignments/ tests in bed. So I get to campus and I’m sitting in the computer lab and waiting on the computer lab assistant to come back and enter some super secret squirrel password so I can take my exam. I look around and notice about 4 or 5 other people quietly taking their exams. All the while in my head I’m thinking, “Ha! Suckers, my teacher is letting me use my book.” I start my test and question one already makes me feel dumb. I pick up my book and that’s when it happens. It was like this LOUD but really slow motion turn of events.

The book jumps out of my hands. Yes, you read that correctly. It jumped out of my hands and I swear I heard a tiny voice yell “FREEEEEEEDOM!” before it hit the keyboard, bounced off the desk and then landed on the floor with an incrediably loud THUD, which was followed by a really tiny, “ow.” Every single person in that tiny room stopped working on their exams and turned to stare/glare at me.

Not akward at all.





Me and baby brother now. I guess he can stay.



Just tilt your head to the right because I'm computer stupid and can't get this to rotate.
Also, I have no idea why I have a cane. No one does. I 've asked.
Not sure why baby brother looks like a thug either.