I’m not sure what happened the other day but I think I may have had an epiphany of some sort. I don’t recall what I was doing at the time other then I suddenly heard the angels sing and there was this bright light surrounding me. I was probably at work which would account for me just blankly staring at the computer for about 10 minutes.
I’ve always been a fan of romantic comedies. You know the kind, the awkward girl makes googlie eyes at the handsome guy she doesn’t have a chance with, they date, they overcome some obstacles and then they get married. Happily ever after! And to be honest I think my addiction to romantic comedies has created some unrealistic expectations when it comes to love and relationships in real life. I have yet to date a guy that knew me so well that he could read my thoughts like in the movies or randomly showed up at my job to admit that although we’ve been friends for so long I’m the one he’s been searching for his entire life or chased after me to declare his undying love for me. To be completely honest, if any of the above scenarios happened I would probably first die of embarrassment and then call the cops for the dude being a creeper.
But there’s always been this tiny part of me, tucked deep away in my cold, black heart that thinks maybe, just maybe this guy is the perfect one for me. We’ll date, fall in love, have a big fight and then after some deep soul searching (queue the montage of me staring out a window while it rains and some sappy love song plays) he’ll declare his love for me and we’ll run into each other’s arms. Or meet at the top of Empire State Building. Maybe I’ll walk out of a church after someone’s wedding and find him leaning against his car. I told you my expectations were warped.
My epiphany that I talked earlier is in regards to this. I’ve been so focused on finding that other half and feeling as if I was missing something in my life. I see my friends’ Facebook pages covered in pictures of them with their spouses and looking all happy and crap. Look at all this fun we’re having and you’re SINGLE AND ALONE!
“Oh just me and hubby grocery shopping. What an adventure that you can’t have because you’re single!”
“Oh just me and the misses on a date night at the movies and you’re not here because you’re at home shoving cookies in your face while looking at Lolz Cat because YOU’RE FOREVER ALONE!”
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| Yeah, this is my reaction to your stupid posts, fyi. |
And here’s the conclusion I came to. Fuck Relationships. Fuck the headache dating brings and fuck the time I waste on guys who can’t even spend ten minutes talking to me. So all you couples out there that keep posting about how happy you are that you found your soul mate, how you just can’t live without the other and god forbid you have to spend one night without the other, you can take all that happiness (and trust me the happier you make the post the more we know you’re actually unhappy) and shove it up your ass.
You know why? I’ve decided that I’m going to look on the bright side of things. Here’s a list of things that I get to enjoy because I don’t have someone joined at MY hip:
·
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want
·
Spend the day doing nothing and looking homely?
Check!
·
Oh, is that extra cash in my bank account?
SHOPPING SPREE!
·
None of that awkward, oh no I’ve never heard
that story that you actually told me about a million times before but I’m being
polite and acting like this is the first time I’ve ever heard it even though I
would LOVE to shove a dirty gym
sock in your mouth right now
·
You know how you have to compromise on some TV
shows? I don’t. Suckas.
·
I don’t have headaches!
·
You know how you have to consider your
significant other before making some type of life altering decision? Oh, do I
want to have spaghetti or hamburger for dinner but the significant other is on
a diet so I should just make a salad. I can have a damn burger and a piece of
cake for an entire week if I want to.
·
I don’t start my sentences with, “WE love going
there,” or “WE did this over the weekend.”
·
You know that couple that can’t seem spend a
single moment without each other? My parents raised me to be an independent woman
and I can’t be more thankful.
Now, I’m not saying that I never want to get married and start a family. Honestly, it’s something that I want very much but not for a really, really long time. But what I’m getting at is that I’m not going to worry that I’m getting older and there still isn’t a prospect of a husband in the near future. I’m not going to spend every moment of every day wondering why I’m single and alone and everyone I’ve gone to high school with is married with kids. Instead, I’m going to enjoy this time in my life. I’m going to enjoy the fact that I can spend my free time doing what I enjoy. I’m going to enjoy the fact that I don’t have to put someone else’s concerns or needs before mine and I’m definitely going to enjoy the time that I can sleep in on my days off. I won’t have to feel guilty when a kid comes up to me and says, “Momma I need lunch money.” And I replied with, “Well, momma needs shoe money so get a job, kid.” Why? Because it’s not my kid, genius.
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