As you guys know I’ve decided to enter the world of online
dating. I have a crappy schedule and am kind of, sort of really shy so.
Basically, I have a hard time meeting guys and when I do I get all awkward. The
kind of awkward where someone will say hi to me and I’ll get that deer caught
in the headlights look and mumble something about gnomes while I slowly blend
into the wall.
I’ve only been online dating for a few weeks and the thing I’ve
noticed is that it’s a lot like an elementary school dance. Boys are standing
on one side of the wall while the girls whisper and giggle to each other while
standing on the opposite side of the room. They all kind of look at each other
until one of the boys takes a step forward. At that moment everything stops, even
the cheesy 90’s love song that’s playing. The girls hold their breath as they
wonder which one he’s going to ask to dance and the boys stare in amusement all
the while thinking of the jokes they’ll tell if the boy is rejected. And just
like that the brave little boy takes a step back and everything goes back to
normal.
That is online dating. These sites will show you who checked
out your profile so you can in turn check out theirs. From what I’ve noticed,
if they are not interested they won’t check your profile out a second time. If
you’re really lucky and that person is interested they might send you a “wink” or
even message you. However, if you’re anything like me you check out their
profile, they check out yours, you check theirs again and this vicious cycle continues
for several days until one of you gets bored and just stops.
I’ve also noticed that I’m not the only flake on this
planet. I’ll see a new message in the inbox, we’ll have a nice conversation for
a few a days, might even exchange numbers and them BAM! Complete silence. It’s
like the last few days of my awkward flirting never happened. And yes, I’ll do
that slightly obsessive thing where I reread the messages wondering if I said
something that was offensive and then come to the conclusion that he’s an idiot
and I have to paint my nails anyway.
Along with the flakes you also have the occasional weirdo
that wants to see pictures of your feet, the guy who has pictures of himself
with kids but then prefers to not answer if he has kids or wants kids and then
you have the guy who just cannot get the hint. He’s checked out your profile
and you looked at his and determined no, no sir I am not interested in being
your child bride. But every day he sends you a message about how he’ll take
care of you and how much fun the two of you will have. And even though you’ve
ignored his 15th message, he still just doesn’t get the hint.
I’m still on the fence about this whole online dating thing.
I don’t know if it’s from watching How I Met Your Mother or all those romantic
comedies but I feel like meeting someone online takes away a little of the
romance. When someone asks how you met it’s just a simple, “Oh his profile
totally caught my eye on whatever website.” I’m not saying that I want some
big, almost hard to believe story but something more than meeting online. Kind
of like Ted Mosby except for the whole it takes 9 years to tell the story. COME
ON MAN, HOW DID YOU MEET THE MOM??!? JUST TELL US ALREADY!
On a completely unrelated topic, do you work with someone
that has an odd taste in desk décor? I don’t mean like awkward vacation
pictures or paintings from their kids. I mean like a weird little figurine. Ok,
well I’ll get right to the point. There is one co-worker who has this mini
pumpkin that her kid painted on her desk. It’s been there since Halloween and
it gives me the freakin creeps. Sometimes when I’m at my desk I’ll get this
eerie feeling, the kind that makes the hair on the back of my neck, and as I
glance over the short wall of my cubicle I see that it is staring at me. There are times when I swear it turns slowly
on it’s own just to stare me down. Don’t believe me? Here, take a look.
 |
| It's evil. |
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