Slut Night at Chilis

First of all, I need to advise you jerks wonderful friends that this post is not for the faint of heart. If you're easily offended by sexual stuff well, you may want to not read this one. Or read it, but you may want to have your pearls nearby so you can clutch them while muttering, "Oh my stars... tsk tsk tsk."

Second, I'm trying to avoid the whole leaving you guys hanging without a good story so "Sean" is guest posting. Be nice guys, he's a sensitive boy. (To which he replied, I'M NOT SENSITIVE!)

Third, if you would like to guest post about whatever your tiny heart desires all you have to do is shoot me an email. Let's face it, sometimes I'm lazy and you guys have some hilarious material.

Without futher adieu, "Sean" and his story, Slut Night at Chilis. *golf clap golf clap*

Hey Guys, “Sean” here. I’ll be your guest poster for today. I have a story I simply must share with the world.

Over the weekend myself, my girlfriend, and one of our couple friends headed to Chili’s for dinner and drinks before heading out to a movie. We got seated and started off dinner like any other visit to this “fine family” establishment. We were about to place our orders when they were seated. A group of 4 ladies age ranges from 25-35 with various levels of attractiveness, were seated at the table right next to ours. It seemed like it would be a normal dinner and boy were we mistaken. Have you ever heard of  a “woo girl”?  No, well, here is the Urban Dictionary definition:

Woo-Girl

 A female who is often found going 'WOOOOOO!' in public. this behaviour is most often exhibited while in the presence of other woo-girls. it is speculated that this is a mating call used to attract men of less than average intelligence. this behaviour can most easily be observed in bar districts, at maroon 5 concerts, or spring break destinations. also, woo-girls are known to have an affinity for chads.

Woo girl in her natural habitat

                                                            

It didn’t take much for them to WOOO!!!. One expressed her desire for a new hair style. WOOOOOOO!!! One showed off a new manicure she got earlier in the day. WOOOOO!!!! That, as annoying as it seemed, was not the most awkward part of the evening. Everyone needs a night out every so often to have some fun, gossip and recharge their batteries. These ladies, did not. They must have timed this perfectly because as our food arrived they began to talk in LOUD detail about their sex lives. “Red” (well, obviously she has red hair) started share time by telling the group her absolute love of anal sex. She also announced to the group that she also enjoys being tied up, smacked around, and being dominated. Once again, we were in a public restaurant, with other people around.

I guess “Red” got the ball rolling on sex confessions because then “Bambi” announced to the slut group about how she had gone to a local bar and seduced two men. She then explained in great detail how the two men ravaged her at the same time when they got to her apartment. Next up for confession time was “Trixie.” She had just gotten out of a relationship and told the group about how her and her ex were really into swapping couples, group sex and occasionally recording it.

Before the next confessor came up, my group and I had realized that we had completely forgotten about the movie we were planning to see after dinner. Who needs to pay $10 for a movie when you can get dinner and a show at Chilis? So, we opted to stay and see just how this would play out. Not a bad decision judging on “Candis” confession. She told stories to the group about her love and desire for whips, ropes and chains. She even told her friend that she would loooooooove to get with a furry because, as she put it, “Plush animals make me wetter than Niagra Falls.” To which, I had to hold back from losing my dinner all over the table.

Awkward....

Of course my friends and I weren’t just sitting at the table like a bunch of perverts listening in on this conversation. Oh, no. Instead, we were texting each other back and forth, debating which one of these really sexually active ladies was Queen of the Sluts. We even tried to make a drinking game out of it but we couldn’t get the logistics of it worked out. To be honest, we weren’t the only ones listening, they were THAT LOUD. At least we were seated in the bar area so no children were subjected to this really adult conversation and no parents had to go home and explain the story about the dirty birds and kinky bees.

They were still competing for the Queen of the Sluts title when they started comparing lovers, past experiences and measuring dick size. Unfortunately, the queen was never crowned because shortly there after the ladies began to cry pathetically as they realized the sex toy covered path their lives had gone.

The town that I live in is fairly conservative. People down here are not necessarily deeply religious but they do have their faith but when I heard their stories, I was like WHOA! I’m surprised no one died in the telling of this stories as there were several older couples sitting at tables nearby. Lesson here, keep it in your pants and be mindful of your surroundings.