Here's a Tip. You Suck.

I know that in the beginning of the year I proclaimed how “Chris” and I were going to stop eating fast food and work out and then we were going to be these skinny bitches to make the world jealous. Let’s ignore the fact that we have been ordering fast food at least once a week while we’re at work. Hey! We lasted about a month before we gave each other the “my tummy has the rumblies that only egg rolls can satisfy” looks. We’ve been trying to keep it semi healthy by getting subs from this pizza place in town. Don’t give me that look. Stop. Judging. Me.

A few weeks ago when we placed an order online and since someone (not me) was feeling a little extra hungry and wanted a 12 inch sub as opposed to the regular 8 inch (I know you guys are totally giggling about the whole “Chris” wanted an extra 4 inches. It’s ok dirty birds, so am I). So, we added the extra note and patiently (sort of) waited for the delivery guy to get here. And by patiently I mean the two of us were rolling around on the floor whining about how hungry we were. The glorious phone call from the delivery guy FINALLY arrived and as we opened the bags we realized poor “Chris” had gotten an 8 inch sub, not the 12 inch we requested. A sarcastic plan was devised for the next time we placed an order on-line.

I, being forgetful, did not follow through with said plan the next we placed an online order. Instead, I put a note about leaving out the olives in my side salad and placed it. Food arrived and wouldn’t you know those jerks put a crap ton of olives in my damn side salad. I’m pretty sure they read the note and thought, “I bet she doesn’t know today is OPPOSITE DAY! ADD ALL THE OLIVES!”

Tonight, however, I did not forget. In fact, I was very much in favor of getting revenge from the massive olives of last time. “Chris” objected by saying who knows what they’ll do to the food. Did I tell you guys that he was the one who came up with this little plan?? Anyway, I shrugged him off by telling him we’ve done this twice and they haven’t read any of the notes anyway and they probably won’t tonight. So, here’s what the note regarding my side salad said:

“No olives. Please cut my lettuce into triangles. J”

I even added a damn smiley face! I was so sure that they wouldn’t read the note since the previous two times they ignored it. Today, someone was actually doing their job, read it and replied by being just as passive aggressive as I am. We asked for extra BBQ sauce since the soon to be chicken nugget “Chris” loves BBQ sauce with his chicken. There was none. The dressing for my salad was no where to be found. Upon initial inspection of the side salad I was so sure I saw olives in it, however “Chris” pointed out it was just the dark lettuce. Also, the chocolate chip cookies were not warm like they usually are and they didn’t put croutons in the side salad. I know! THE HUMANITY!! Or you know…first world problems. Whatever.  

We accepted that this was karma’s doing so we just ate our food. Half way through my salad I made a discovery of monstrous proportions. A MOTHER FRACKING OLIVE! JUST ONE!

Why must bad things happen to good people?

                                                                         

 I knew they wouldn’t read the note.

Also, the other night I had this FANTASTIC dream that I married Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I was not happy when I woke up the next morning. Anyway, here's our engagement photo.

We're still working on the deets and date.