I Believe

I love horror movies and I’ll watch about anything except the ones about aliens. They terrify me because I honestly believe that aliens do exist and the movies when the aliens invade Earth and destroy everything could actually happen. To me it seems a little egotistical to believe that we’re the only intelligent life in the entire, gianormous galaxy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those crazy, alien obsessed types that believe every little thing means that an alien was nearby. I have a headache and stomach ache, ALIENS ABDUCTED ME! We all know that I don’t jump to conclusions like that at all. Nope, totally not me, I’m always really calm and rational. Yet, I can totally feel you giving me the side eye. Ok, fine, maybe SOMETIMES I overact.

A few weeks ago “Chris” suggested that I watch the movie, The Fourth Kind. I wanted to watch it when it came out in theaters but I think I faked an excuse after I found out it was about aliens and not demon possession like I had originally thought. As I watched the movie I was also simultaneously texting “Chris” various messages along the lines of. “SWEET BABY JESUS WTF?!?!” and “well that’s unfortunate, OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL?!?” Maybe one of these days I’ll create one of those reaction videos of me watching another terrifying alien movie just for you guys. Maybe not, it’ll just be me with my blanket wrapped around my face and watching the movie with my hands over my eyes while peeking between my fingers.

This is just some background information for the real story I’m about to tell you but first I want to make sure that you’ve seen The Fourth Kind? Ok, good, so you know about the correlation between the owls and aliens. What, you didn’t see the movie? I can’t believe that you lied to me. You haven’t seen the movie and now want me to explain the correlation between owls and aliens? Ok, well you dragged it out of me. The abducties that were in the movie explained that on the nights they woke up at 3:33 am and were abducted, they always saw this barn owl. Sometimes it was sitting outside the window and other times it was actually inside the house just staring at them. It was determined that the aliens use owls as a type of surveillance, a way to watch us before they snatch us up and start probing us in our no-no areas.  Ok, now that you’re all caught up I’ll tell you about what happened last night.

I was driving home from work (I work an evening shift 3:30pm-midnight) and as I turned into my neighborhood I noticed this giant, orange ball in the sky. It was pretty far off but it just hung there for a good twenty minutes without moving. It was still just chillin’ in the sky when I pulled up to the house so I did what just about anyone would have done, I stood in the drive way for about 10 minutes staring at it and wondering if it really was aliens. I figured it might be a good idea to have some type of evidence and since my purse is like Mary Poppins bag, it took a few minutes of me fumbling in the dark to find my phone. By the time I looked up it was gone. Not one trace of whatever it was left in the sky.

I’m going to be honest, I was kind of creeped out at this point. I was texting both “Chris” and “Sean” that I was fairly certain whatever it was it could not have been from this earth. As I was walking to the front door I suddenly heard the loud flutter of wings fly past my face, I screamed like a little girl and ran inside the house. I’m pretty sure it was an owl sent to spy on me. I totally heard it screech, “She’s home! The bitch is home!” I know, that was a rude owl.

Here are copies of some of the texts that were sent to “Chris” and “Sean” in my several moments of fear:

“There’s something in the sky.”

“Never mind, it’s gone.”

“I’m scurrrrrrrrrrd!”

“I don’t want the aliens to probe me.”

“DON’T LET THEM TAKE ME!”

“Oh god, I heard something in the back yard. It’s an alien, I know it is.”

So here’s what probably happened. I live next to an army base and the giant, orange orb was probably just a flare from some night training. Also, there was probably a bat or something just hanging out by my house and me stomping up to the house and jingling my keys scared it. I think my version is more plausible.