Let's Go to the Mall, TODAY!

                                                                             

One thing that I’ve noticed when I drive is that sometimes it seems other drivers sense when you’re in some sort of distress and therefore do the complete opposite of what you’re hoping. Let me explain that a little more clearly to you. Last weekend I went to Oklahoma City to do a little damage to my bank account. I always have my mom’s voice in my head that before I leave the house; use the bathroom. So I did. I also went to Starbucks and got a super tasty Venti something something with an extra shot of espresso because the barista was all “Doesn’t that sound awesome?!” And with her enthusiasm it totally did.

I just barely made it into the Oklahoma City limits when my bladder got all mad and was like, “Umm…you need to pull over, like 10 minutes ago.” Meanwhile I was driving and thinking, “Damn, bladder chill. We’re almost at the mall.” This imaginary conversation went on for quite some time until my bladder started causing me physical harm (massive cramps). At this point I was about 5 minutes from the mall but this elderly couple in front of me felt it was appropriate to turn that into a 20 minute drive. And I’m pretty sure the conversation between the two old jerks went something like this (also, imagine them with those pretentious kind of like a British but they’re not British accents):

“Oh shnookums, I do believe that woman in the dashing black Cruze behind us is in distress.”

“Why, daaaaaaaaahling, I do believe you are correct. And by the way she’s screaming and hunched over the steering wheel she may need to use the facilities.”

“Oh but honey bunches, I knooooooooow the speed limit is 60 but I think it’ll be really beneficial if we just putter about going 30.”

“Cuddle bum I do believe that is a very smart idea. That’ll teach her to drink a gianormous beverage before partaking on a nearly 2 hour journey.”

Meanwhile, this is me in my car:

“OHMYFUCKINGGODWHATISWRONGWITHYOU?!?!!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHI’MDYINGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The mall came into view and I could hear the angels singing, a bright light shone over the mall because the end was near. Yeah, those dreams were crushed when I realized I was going to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and saw how packed the parking lot was. I spent another 20 minutes swearing like a pirate and looking for a parking spot nearest the bathrooms. I pee-peed danced/walked quickly into and through out Dillards until I finally found my salvation.

That happy moment of sweet relief was also met with awkwardness when I was in a stall and a woman walked in, paused and said “Oh, there you are.” She was actually referring to someone else that was apparently hidden in the corner applying her make-up. They spent the next few minutes talking about how someone’s uncle was in jail but neither knew why. Probably because he was busy chatting away in the bathroom while someone was trying to take care of business.

So, I was going to open the giveaway tonight but “Chris” is causing a delay. Yeah, you read that correct “Chris.” The Nerf gun has been purchased I’m just waiting on a certain SOMEONE to sign it so I can post a picture of it on here and you guys can “Ohhhhh” and “Ahhhhh” at its amazingness. Well, maybe next week. Until then, let’s all give “Chris” the shady eyes.

We Have a Winner!!

First off, I want to thank every single person that helped with the Toys for Tots Fundraiser. My goal was to hit $100 and when I started this I figured I would get probably $20. Well, with everyone's help and contribution we made $109! How awesome is that?!!? After work, "Chris," "Sean" and I went to Wal-Mart to purchase brand new toys. To be honest, after doing a quick walk through of the toy aisle I felt a teeny bit overwhelmed. There were so many toys that I had no idea what to get. I had built up this lavish fantasy in my sleep deprived brain that "Walking on Sunshine" would play in the back ground while I ran all around the toy department just tossing everything that was on the shelves into the shopping cart. Instead, it was me holding up a mini Avenger's toy asking if boys like dollies and then promptly told, "it's an action figure!"

I bet you want to know what's in the bags??

Are you really that surprised to see Nerf guns?

I bet you're just DYING to know who the winner is? Well, before I tell you I need to explain the hiccup I experienced with the number generator. My plan was to let technology do the work for me. I would just plug in the numbers 1 and 500 and it would go ahead and pick the winner for me. While I had several numbers in play I did not take into consideration that there were 491 numbers that were unaccounted for. And here's what happened.

As you can see...It did not turn out the way I had planned. 

Then an idea came to me. A local radio station (Magic 95) and the Lawton Fire Fighters were going to be at the toy drop off site. So my plan was to go completely old school, write everyone's name and number on a piece of paper and ask one of the fire fighters to pick the winner. I can be such a genius sometimes. (Ignore the fact that this is the third time I'm typing this and hoping this will post).

So, mom (my special helper) and I went to the drop off site only to find an empty Magic 95 car parked in front of the store and the fire truck at the other end of the parking lot. We carried the toys over to the fire truck where the cutie pie fire fighters were just as confused as we were as to where the toys needed to be. Mom and I headed back to the Magic 95 car when mom decided she would ask someone in the store only to find the radio DJ in there buying a pair of pants. Toys were dropped off and one of our lovely fire fighters picked the winner. I guess NOW would be a good time for me to tell who won the FREE DINNER FOR TWO before I ramble on to another side story. So. Here. We. GO! THE WINNER IS....

CONGRATULATIONS SAM!!!!!

So there you have it. This experience was not only fun but pretty humbling as well. I thought maybe this would be something I would do every year but actually I may try to find other causes through out the year to help with as well. And since this blog post seems a bit on the picture heavy side, here are some more to distract you while mom and I accidentally set the house on fire and see if the cutie pie fire fighters show up.

Merry Christmas. I got you a Frankie cat.