Crazy McCrazy aka Jodi Arias

I’ve become obsessed with the trial of Jodi Arias. I’m not one to watch court t.v, I’m not even a fan of those divorce court shows or Judge Judy but hot damn have I become really obsessed with this crazy heffer. I’ll wake up early just so I can watch the recap from what I missed the day before, which usually includes commentaries from other attorneys. I’ve been trying to be a good student and do my homework but on the days that court is in session (I could totally be a lawyer) you can find me wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito, sitting on the couch watching this idiot basically tie her own noose on the stand.

Haven't heard about this crazy heffer? Here, let me tell you about her. Jodi meets Travis Alexander, she breaks up with her then boyfriend at the time almost immediately and right away they have a sexual relationship. Basically, she becomes his "bed friend." Two months after meeting him she then converts to the Mormon faith (he was Mormon, fyi) and has him baptize her, because that's what people do when they're in the "bed friend" kind of relationship. About a year later they become official for about a month before he realizes how bat shit crazy she is and they break up. All the while she continues to stalk him, stalk his dates and even slashes a couple of tires. Of course she hasn't admitted to any of this. She claims they were friends so she felt it was totally normal to not knock on the front door but instead creep around the back, peek in a glass door and run off when she saw him making out with a girl on his couch. After they had broken up. And then calls him the next day to talk about it. Once again, they were broken up. Anywho, it all comes to end when she stabs him about 27 times, cuts his throat so deep he's nearly decapitated and just to make sure he's not coming back as a zombie, shoots in him the head. I don't know if that's why she shot him, just my guess.

She seems like the type of person that likes to hear herself speak. When her attorney questioned her on the stand it took them 8 really long, boring days for her to tell the jury about her life from her early childhood up until the point she murdered the poor guy. The defense would ask a simple yes or no question and this fool would ramble on for 10 minutes about the tiniest and most pointless details. “Oh, and then we went to Starbucks and I got a whatever Latte with ice and the sky was blue and birds were singing.” Meanwhile I’m like, what was the question he asked her? Oh, he wanted to know how she found out he was seeng other women.

She claaaaaaaaims that he gave her consent to read his email...
Yeah, I'm rolling my eyes too.

It’s also interesting how the defense is making this poor guy seem like an abusive, sexual deviant. According to Jodi, Travis beat her, he made fun of her and used her for sex. But the funny thing about it all, every time her attorney would ask something like, "And how did you feel when he would ask you to perform oral sex on him and then leave right after you gave him fallacio?" Jodi turns the jury, shrugs her shoulders and says, "I wasn't upset." For the record, fallacio is a funny word. As funny as it is to watch a grown man say fallacio with a complete straight face, I think the best moment so far was when the State entered Jodi's personal journals as evidence and had her read aloud a few entries that ended with "I love Travis Alexander so much!"

Yep, this is what I’m doing with my free time. You should totally watch it tomorrow morning on Tru Tv and then we can gossip about it. And we can totally make fun of her stupid hair and glasses.

                                                           

Shut Your Trap

I’m not the quietest (or graceful) person on the planet. I’m sure it has something to do with the time my little brother was born and he sucked all the attention away from me. Oh look at the cute baby wearing his lederhosen! Aw, the cute little baby says he wants to be an arteeest when he grows up! Look at the sweet little baby with that really angry looking little girl. You may be thinking that I’m joking when I said I looked angry but trust me there’s evidence.

Over the holidays my brother and I decided a fun Christmas gift for our mom would be a photo recreate. You take a picture from your childhood and, well, you recreate it. As we combed through a billion family albums we noticed that every single picture of brother was him smiling and looking happy. Every single picture of me I was sulking, glaring or just generally being unhappy. I don’t mean like one or two, I mean every. Single. One. Out of a billion photo albums. We eventually found one where I had a smile on my face. I would show you the pictures of me glaring but I would rather not. Mostly because I’ll have to go digging in those albums again which will then cause me to send mass text messages to my brother of all the pictures that make me laugh. Like the one that looks like my dad is trying to drown baby brother in a tub while baby brother has a huge smile on his face.  

Well, it appears I’ve gotten a little off topic. I’m just trying to lay the ground work to let you know I’m not very quiet when I talk. Usually, when I’m conversating with my dear mother she has to tell me to quiet down. I can’t help it, I’m still fighting for the attention my brother savagely took from me in my youth. So, back to the story.

Today, I had to take an exam at the computer lab on campus. This was for one of my online classes and it’s still baffling me that a test that is open notes/open book had to be proctored on campus. I mean the purpose of these online classes is so I can sit at home, in my rubber duckie jamies and do my assignments/ tests in bed. So I get to campus and I’m sitting in the computer lab and waiting on the computer lab assistant to come back and enter some super secret squirrel password so I can take my exam. I look around and notice about 4 or 5 other people quietly taking their exams. All the while in my head I’m thinking, “Ha! Suckers, my teacher is letting me use my book.” I start my test and question one already makes me feel dumb. I pick up my book and that’s when it happens. It was like this LOUD but really slow motion turn of events.

The book jumps out of my hands. Yes, you read that correctly. It jumped out of my hands and I swear I heard a tiny voice yell “FREEEEEEEDOM!” before it hit the keyboard, bounced off the desk and then landed on the floor with an incrediably loud THUD, which was followed by a really tiny, “ow.” Every single person in that tiny room stopped working on their exams and turned to stare/glare at me.

Not akward at all.





Me and baby brother now. I guess he can stay.



Just tilt your head to the right because I'm computer stupid and can't get this to rotate.
Also, I have no idea why I have a cane. No one does. I 've asked.
Not sure why baby brother looks like a thug either.