NERF GUN GIVE AWAY TIME!

I bet you guys thought this day would never come. I've been going on and on and on about this super amazing giveaway only tell you, eh I'll post about it next time. Well, my dear amazing friends from near and far, I am very proud to announce, NERF GUN GIVEAWAY TIME!!!

I totally meant to babysit the counter after my last post so I could catch it right at 1000, but alas. I have been diagnosed with shiny ball syndrome (OH A BALL!) and got distracted by a movie I was watching. Anyway, here's the latest counter showing that we are OVER 1000 views!

So, basically I'm giving away an exact replica of the Nerf gun that was used on that horribly, tragic night when "Chris" shot me in the eye with a Nerf bullet and he laughed at my pain. I was forever blinded, ok only for like 5 minutes but it still twitches from time to time. And now I'm going to fully arm one of you with it. Also, our dear gun happy friend "Chris" signed it. As an added bonus, he also signed the actual nerf bullet that hit my EYEBALL.

What's life without a few simple rules to follow? So here they go.

1) The giveaway is open from Jan 13, 2013 until Jan 20, 2013
2) Type your name in the comment section BELOW, you can't be entered if you don't put your name in for the drawing.

That's it. Those are all the rules. The winner will be selected by old school name drawing and announced that following Monday. As I've said before ANYONE gets to enter! That means my adorable Aussie readers or random Kuwait, Germany or even Dutchess Kate (I KNOW IT WAS YOU!) can enter!

Rocking to the Oldies

My dear, adorable readers I apologize for being gone for so long. Oh the turmoil you must have gone through while I just lazied about watching old episodes of Mr.Bean. My favorite will always be the one where he was in church and just being obnoxious to the guy next him by trying to unwrap a piece of candy or falls asleep and scares himself. Classic.

Anywho, guess what? I'm totally typing this to you via my new iPad! I KNOW! AHHH IT'S SO EXCITING! Let's hold hands and jump up and down screaming!!! AHHHH!!! Ok, enough of that. You look foolish.

So, lately I've been thinking that as funny as the crazy cat lady jokes I kind of, sort of, really don't want to end up as her. So, I'm taking action! Being a full-time student with a full-time job with a night shift really limits my time. I could go out to the bars after work but all I would really find would be the drunk guys or the sober guys trying to pick off the even drunker ladies. I could find an activity in the morning to meet- ha, who am I kidding myself. I'm lucky if I wake up early enough for a doctor appointment. Instead, I'm testing out online dating. Yes, I know it takes the whimsy out of the where did you meet story but to be honest I'm not expecting too much out of this.

I set up the same profile on two different sites, one free and one not so free. I always hate that tell us about yourself section. I just sit in front of the computer with a blank stare on my face and the sound of the ocean playing in my head. "I'm uhh...I'm hi?" After a while I finally came up with a short but slightly witty paragraph that didn't make me sound too much like a lunatic. Although there have been a few gentlemen that seem nice enough I can't help but notice something that both sites have in common. Really old men like me. I don't mean old as in a few years, I mean in their 50's old. They send messages (Hey cutie!) and winks but never reply back when I tell them they're the same age (sometimes older) then my dad. I will keep you guys updated if I find my true love, Daddy Warbucks.

I bet you guys are all on the edge of your seats wondering where we currently stand with the Nerf Gun giveaway. Well, we haven't hit 1000 hits yet but we're close. So here are the current numbers and I just want to say, those of you in foreign lands are totally welcome to participate when I start the giveaway!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, ASSHATS!

I know this is complete bananas. Two posts back to back!??! MADNESS! I was going to add this to the last post but it didn't flow right so I gave it it's own post. Anywho.

2012 has been a year that I'm not sure I can completely describe. It was strange, wonderful, fantastic, stressful and insane all in one. I quit a job that I completely hated and enjoyed being unemployed for about a week. So did my mom and step dad since they came home every night to a home cooked dinner. After week one I became worried about money and week three I got a job offer. My beautiful niece was born and so was my desire to crochet all cute things for her. I went back to school and remembered how stressful it is. Jessica Simpson finally gave birth after about 20 month gestation period and now Kim Kardashian is carrying the obnoxious spawn of Kayne West (I ain't saying she a gold digga).

And now here we are, the eve of 2013 and wondering what this year holds. So far the boys and I are going to hold strong to our resolution to put down the doughnuts and cookies and start getting rid of this weight we all mysteriously gained. I say getting rid of instead of losing weight because I really don't want to find it once it's gone. So far the plan is to exercise more and completely cut out fast food. "Chris" and I also devised a competition to help us get rid of the fat. We're going to put $10 in a jar once a week and at the end of the month, whoever lost the most weight gets the monies. I'M GETTING THAT MONEY.

Also, I'm sure you've noticed lately that I've mentioned a giveaway that is coming up. Guess what? I'm going to FINALLY tell you about it. I know, I know...you're totally like IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME. So here it goes. As my thank you to all my fantastic readers I'm going to give away an exact replica of the Nerf gun that "Chris" used when he shot me in the eye with the bullet (my eye totally just twitched). I'm not sure how I feel about arming someone else with the same Nerf gun that caused such a traumatic event in my life. Oh well. Also, "Chris" is also going to sign it too! Yeah! The giveaway will start when this baby hits 1000 readers. (Did anyone else just get the image of an actual baby hitting 1000 people reading books? No, ok well. Whatever, that image made me laugh). Once we get 1000 readers (and don't do that cheating thing where you just click on this a bunch of times...I GOT MY EYES ON YOU!) I'll post the rules. Don't worry, it's going to super easy and this is open to EVERYONE!

Correction...we're at 945 reads!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now imagine Oprah saying, "You can participate, YOU can participate, everyone gets to PAAAAARTICIPAAAAAATE!"

                                                                                         
**P.S. I've noticed there are readers in Greece, Puerto Rico and other random countries and I just want to say...HI!!!! Who are you guys?!? Also, if you want to win a free autographed Nerf gun you totally can!

My Grab Bag of Thoughts

Tonight has been a random night at work so I thought it would be appropriate this blog post be just as random. So, for your reading pleasure here are the random tid bits of tonight’s conversations by yours truly and “Chris.”

First, we reminisced about the tragic event that was the Nerf Gun incident. In case you forgot, you can read about it, over there on the left side of this post is a box that says Blog Archive, click on November and then click on Nerf Gun Etiquette. You're welcome. Sometimes at night when I’m laying bed I’ll hear a sound in the yard that’ll trigger my Nerf gun PTSD and a shooting pain will course through my eye. Also, when I cry the tears from that eye tend to zig zag down my face and that’s if that eye is able to produce tears. I’ve noticed that my other eye has started to compensate and produce double the tears it used to.

Want to hear something ironic? “Chris” claims that he can be classy. In fact, he proclaimed this as he was eating tortilla chips. Note to self, classy now means that you can talk with your mouth full of food.

“That has too much teeth in it.” Said no hillbilly ever.

“You suck at taking selfies.” Me to “Chris.”

“Ok, now make your myspace pose.” Me trying to take “Chris” selfie picture. He then groped himself and made a duck face, however I was not quick enough to capture it forever on camera. SHAME.

“Chris” has been debating for the past few hours about going all Grinch on the Christmas tree at work. The plan is to snatch all the ornaments off the tree and then dramatically kick it to the ground for the next shift to find.

“Are you looking at the little red dot?” –Me

“No, I’m looking at the giant, lazy red dot.” –“Chris”

“Doodie!” –“Chris”

“Oh my god, I LOVE THAT MOVIE!” –Me

“What movie?” –“Chris”

“Caddy Shack?” -Me

“Never seen it.” –“Chris

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” –Me

*awkward long silence*

“I ate too much soup.” –“Chris

The randomness then caused a fit of giggles in me

Sometimes we like to pretend that we’re shooting at each other so we say the totally appropriate sound effect, “pew, pew, pew, pew!” One coworker thought we were saying “pube, pube, pube, pube!” To each other while shooting each other with our finger guns.

Umm...what?

Nerf Gun Etiquette

So, before I tell you the story of how I almost lost my eye, we all need to agree to ignore the fact that this incident occurred at a place that it should not have. Ok, so now that we have all made the unbreakable vow (or for you Muggles out there, a pinky promise) to ignore where this took place. May God have mercy on your soul if you had your fingers crossed.

Ok, so back to the story of how I almost lost my eye. “Chris” and I decided to bring our Nerf Guns to this undisclosed location where we spend 8 hours a day together, 5 days a week. Today, we decided to play with our toys…and by play I mean shoot each other with the foam bullets. Most shots were aimed towards areas that wouldn’t hurt (you know boobs and stomach) and laughs were had. Until it happened.

“Chris” was cowering behind his dry erase board like a coward, gun aimed straight towards me but his eyes hidden behind his make shift shield. There was a click of the trigger, the *poof* sound of air as the foam bullet shot out from the gun and headed towards me and BAM! Foam bullet to my EYE! MY EYE!

The next few seconds were silent. Silent and painful as I covered my right eye with my hand, tears streaming down just the right side of my face as I yelled “YOU SHOT MY EYE!” Another brief silent seconds, although in that pain it might as well have been HOURS, and did he come to my side? No, instead he burst into a fit of giggles. Now, don’t judge him too harshly because that in turn made me burst into a fit of giggles.

I’m doing well but don’t be too worried if you see me tomorrow, on Thanksgiving, with an eye patch, crutches and a neck brace. I’m fine, really.