Smize, You're Doing it Wrong

I'm not sure how this conversation started at work. I think it started when "Chris" and I were joking about "smizing" and one of our co-workers had no idea what it was. In case you have no idea what "Smizing" is, it's when you smile with your eyes. I'm pretty sure Tyra Banks has this trademarked so I probably owe her thousands upon thousands of dollars but jokes on Tyra cause this bitch is BROKE.

That then led to a conversation about America's Next Model. The conversation was more about some of the awkward poses the "models" have to do in their photo shoots. This then prompted me to get up and recreate a few of these "poses." In the office. While on the clock. And then it turned into a mini lesson on how to be a model from what I learned from watching the first few seasons of America's Next Top Model.

I stopped watching after Janice Dickinson left because she was that show. Here are some memorable quotes from Janice Dickinson, the worlds first super model.

Adrianne: I don't know what to feel. I feel I love Janice Dickinson.

Janice: Well, I didn't vote for you.

Janice: [About Catie] She looks like a child prostitute in this picture.

Janice: I was offended that she called me a bitch. I am a member of the PTA.

Janice: [About April's photograph] She looks like the batteries died in her vibrator.

Janice: [About Kelle] The hand coming through your legs looks like something that is on a man.

Tyra: [To Amanda] You continue to raise your eyebrow. You know, the Zoolander.

Janice: I used to be able to do it, but I have so much botox in my face I can't really do it anymore.

                                                                       

First, we'll start with "smizing." When you "smize" you are essentially smiling with your eyes. God forbid you use your mouth to show that you're smiling. What you want to do is show no emotion what so ever in the lip area, just pretend you got some Botox. Now, in your eye region you can have a little bit of a squint, but not too much. Need an example of a "smize"??

See, no emotion in the mouth area and just the TINIEST squint in the eye region to show the slightest bit of emotion

Perfect, next we're going to master the most awkward poses to complete what we in the biz like to call a Look Book. This Look Book (or what the non-fashion peeps call a portfolio) is what you're going to use on your "Go See." Ugh, sorry, I'm just so fashion forward and throwing all these fashion type terms at you. A "Go See" is when you go to multiple appointments with fashion designers and stuff and essentially apply for a job. But instead of an actual application you show them the pictures of the photo shoots and advertisements you've been in.

Here are some of mine:

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, you'll have a photo shoot and you won't be the only person involved. There might be another model involved and if you're lucky it could be a totes hot dude. Sometimes, it's another bitchy, I've-only-smoked-10-ciggerettes-and-ate-half-a-grape-and-did-4-snortfuls-of-cocaine, model. Don't let that get you down. Just stick to the awkward posing and smizing rules and the focus of that shoot will be all you.

See, who cares about that blonde heffer in the background, WHICH IS WHERE SHE BELONGS. 

That's pretty much how we spent the rest of the evening at work. Now I feel like watching America's Next Top Model.